חמישה דברים שאנשים מתחרטים עליהם רגע לפני מותם
מאמר שכתבה Bronnie Ware על עבודתה בהוספיס במשך שנים ארוכות. מתוך תהליך הליווי של אנשים ברגעיהם האחרונה היא מצביעה על חמישה נושאים עיקריים לגביהם החולים מביעים חרטה, רגע לפני סיום חייהם.
הקישור המקורי לבלוג הנו: http://inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were
those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I
was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own
mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some
changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every
single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of
them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they
would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most
common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to
myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise
that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see
how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half
of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your
dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too
late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed
their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of
this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female
patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted
spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices
along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And
by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace
with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses
relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although
people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,
in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.
Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either
way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old
friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them
down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not
giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses
their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let
friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the
physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial
affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true
importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of
those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this
task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all
that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until
the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and
habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions,
as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others,
and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to
laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a
long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,
long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose
wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Based on this article, Bronnie has now released
a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life
Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how
it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. This
inspiring book is available internationally through Hay House.